If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
