She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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