i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I puked a lego.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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