Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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