Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
