I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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