my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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