life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
its not stalking. its research.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
