My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
