Pregnant stripper...not hot.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
