He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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