So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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