Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
