So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
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i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
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We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I need to calm my uterus...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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