We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
