Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
try to milk me bitch
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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