getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
