Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
