dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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