420 ftw
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
