My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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