i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
