we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
