she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
