Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
