if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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