The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
