Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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