i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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