I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
