i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
