Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
