i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
