I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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