We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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