i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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