Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
