he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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