ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
