if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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