I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
