I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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