Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
