oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
God I need to hump something, right now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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