Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
