every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
