I'm so fucking centered right now
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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