why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Randomize
