If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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