She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I wear drunk well.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize