i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
