You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize