Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
