I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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