Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
