6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
