my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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