walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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