Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
