Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
