i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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