you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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