i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
