She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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