I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
