Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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