My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
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were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
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After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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