in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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