if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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