Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
