I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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