Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
