turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
