I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
