Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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