On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
