a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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