...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
