There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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