: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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