And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
